What a fucking waste of an outfit
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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