You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
