there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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