Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
