Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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