so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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