I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
