He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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