My balls are so social today.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize