woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
