Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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