I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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