She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
