Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
