You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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