I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
