You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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