I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
