Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So vagazzling was a success
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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