Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
