New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
