I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
