jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
