Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
