I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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