I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
