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It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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