I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
