Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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