How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize