I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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