but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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