Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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