First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
