Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
