is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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