I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
