My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Found the puke drawer
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
