God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Slut skills are useful in every country.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
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