I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
