dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
