That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
