I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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