I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
