What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
