If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
