does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
