Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
