we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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