Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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