i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
