The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize