he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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