tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
