Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
