The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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