Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
