Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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