Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
