thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
