Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
