I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
