I just pynch a tree in the face
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
