She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
