Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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