dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
