All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
