why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
